


The Poem

by Dewstorm



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Explicit Language, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No Spoilers, but slight references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 01:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dewstorm/pseuds/Dewstorm
Summary: Nico's one-year anniversary with Will is tomorrow, Apollo tries to give him love (sex) advice. This, of course, could only lead to good outcomes.





	The Poem

**Author's Note:**

> I spelled Papadopoulos wrong in a different way every time I wrote.

“Nicooooo! Son of Hades! I have just been informed by some of my lovely offspring that tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the relationship between you and my darling child Will!” 

Nico was going to kill Kayla. Actually kill her. Kill her dead and then evaporate her soul. As we all know, the punishment should fit the crime. 

Nico watched as Lester Papadopoulos bounded towards him waving one hand in the air with a brilliantly happy smile plastered on his acne-covered face. Nico glanced at him warily as he approached, his demigod training has prepared him for such dangerous attacks. He was confident he can get out of this situation, hide for a couple hours, and hope that Apollo’s tiny, confused, mortal brain would forget ever hearing about Nico and Will’s one-year anniversary.

Because it was true, a year ago tomorrow was the day when Will approached him nervously in the dining hall. He had been fidgeting and playing with his hands, something Nico knew he only did when he’s on edge. Nico had been terrified that Will about to say something heartbreaking, like that he didn’t want to talk to Nico anymore or that McDonald's went out of business. 

Nico didn't have time to worry for long as he did the smartest thing he could think of, to try and escape from whatever Will was going to say by making a run for it. If Will never talked to him, then Will could never stop being his friend. It was a foolproof plan. He had got up to run but accidentally full sprinted into Connor Stoll who was holding a massive plate of spaghetti. The spaghetti had attacked Nico like a Hydra, all of the little noodles covered him from head-to-toe. 

Connor Stoll looked positively offended, but Nico didn’t stop to apologize. He still was on his dangerous mission of escaping Will’s mystery words. As he turned 180 degrees to try to sprint away again, Travis Stoll had apparently appeared behind him to see what was going on. 

And what did the confused Travis Stoll have in his hand? 

Yeah, the pathetic cuisine from Nico’s homeland. 

But this time when Nico full sprinted into Travis Stoll, the spaghetti didn’t smash on Nico. At the last second, Travis tried to save his food from moving it out from in between him and Nico, so he was holding it out away from his body with one hand when Nico hit him. 

Unfortunately, Nico was fast and strong when nervous (or when any emotion really, Nico is one tough cookie) so as he barrelled into Travis, the son of Hermes lost his grip on the plate sending the noodles in a fast frisbee towards…

Well, you know who.

The spaghetti smacked Will right in the face in a comical parody of a pie. 

By the way, this all happened in the span of about ten seconds from when Will approached him and then got a face full of pasta. 

The dining hall had been completely silent as the plate and some noodles slowly slipped off his best friend’s face and onto the floor.

Nico and Will exchanged scandalized glances at each other, both covered in the blood orange, delicious substance. 

Finally, thank the gods, Will spoke up, “Um, Nico, I can see you’re busy trying to run away from me, but can we talk for a second?”

Nico decided he should just accept his fate and go with Will, and to ignore the voices in his head that told him to shadow travel the flying fuck out of there. He did indirectly hit the poor guy with some pasta so he deserved some attention.

But wait! They had sat on a porch in front of the Hades cabin as Will started to tell him about his feelings. 

Will had said it was obvious from the spaghetti related events of today that Nico didn't reciprocate Will’s romantic feelings (which we all know is the fourth stage of attractive). 

Nico’s mind had felt like: Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Then Will confessed that even though he now understands that the answer was going to be no, that he had planned to ask Nico out on a date that day.

Whhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck?

Nico had hurriedly explained to his beautiful, sad, brink-of-tears William that that was the exact opposite of what Nico thought he was going to ask. How he tried to literally run away because he thought Will was going to say he didn’t want to talk to Nico anymore or that he hated him or that Nico sucked butt or that he found someone taller or someone who didn’t accidentally summon a skeleton from the ground when they lose Mario Party because they didn’t get any bonus stars at the end. 

Will sniffled a little before grabbing some spaghetti off of himself and halfheartedly threw it at Nico. Nico, who could have easily dodged it, had let it hit him in the face. 

“You’re so stupid,” Will mumbled and moved to hug Nico.

“So are you,” Nico said lovingly as he hugged Will back, allowing their spaghetti to mingled. 

So, yeah, that was the day they started dating. Could have gone a little better if you’d ask Nico, but it almost seemed fitting for the two of them. 

But now as Lester stood in front of him because Nico was too busy reminiscing about Will to run away, he couldn’t help but wish that his significant annoyance had decided on a different day to ask him out. 

Nico considered his options for his next course of action. 

He could simply ignore Apollo and pretend that he doesn’t exist. He could convince Apollo that he had died and that this was his personal hell to stay in Camp Half-Blood for eternity. He could say he’s never met anyone named Will in his life. He could just, like, punch Apollo? 

He probably shouldn’t punch Apollo. 

“I just wanted to give you some advice on how you and my lovely son should spend your romantic and sexual day!” 

He probably should punch Apollo. 

Seriously, how did this completely selfish, arrogant, flirting deviant produce Will Solace? 

Instead of dignifying the ex-god with a response, Nico instead chose to walk past him as if he had heard nothing. 

Unfortunately, this did not deter Apollo, who hastily grabbed at Nico’s arm to prevent him from leaving. 

“Wait, did you not hear what I had just said?” Apollo stated, sounding confused and a little offended (his constant state of emotions), “I, Lord Apollo, am offering to help you, a simple demigod, with the prospect of with awarding your loved one with an absolutely amazing day!” 

He smiled encouragingly as if he was explaining something to stupid kid or Ares. He seemed to be waiting for Nico to sob in relief and gratitude at even the idea of being acknowledged by the god of the sun. 

Instead of groveling at Apollo’s feet, Nico said, “Thanks for the offer, but I think that Will and I will be fine.”

Apollo pulled back from Nico dramatically and held up his hands. He took a deep breath before vomiting out the following haiku:

“That is nonsense, Nico  
Of course, you need my help  
Suck his dick tonight.”

…

Apollo smiled proudly.

The saddest part, it wasn’t even correct. This guy was supposed to be the god of poetry, what the fuck is wrong with him?

“Okay, that is disgusting.” Nico mumbled with an eye roll, “You know that Will and I are only 15, right? Shouldn’t you be concerned or something about your son having sex too earlier? Rather than telling me, your son’s boyfriend, to go suck his dick?” 

This seemed to confused Apollo too (again, as everything did) and he scratched his head before saying, “Well, 15 is when a boy becomes of man.” 

“Yeah, in ancient Greece,” Nico countered. “I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to tell you that the age of consent in the US is 16.” This also should definitely be not the first time the god has heard this, the perverted idiot.

Now Apollo looked completely scandalized as if the idea of putting an age restriction on love (hardcore fucking) was a barbaric idea. 

“That’s barbaric…” Apollo whispered. Nailed it. “Why, when Hyacinthus was merely 14, I offered him-”

“I’m going to stop you ther-”

“Or when Commodus was 15 and in the garden we’d-”

“Apollo, you are don-”

“Ooooooh, you should have seen Kayla’s father and me on our one-month anniversary, which reminds me-” 

“STOP!” 

“You and Will should totally-”

“I SAID ENOUGH!” Nico practically screamed and the earth under them may have cracked just a little bit, abruptly putting an end to their impossible battle of cutting off each other’s sentences.

Apollo huffed at him as he placed his hands on his hips, “Typical dark child. Gets angry on sexual frustration and tries to suck souls into hell. There are other ways to deal with stress you know.” 

Okay, at this point Nico was seriously considering murder. Apollo deserved death... and a lesson that not every problem has to do with getting blue balls.

He and Will were perfectly content with the way their relationship was going. They moved slowly in the... bedroom department if you could even call it that. But hey, can you really blame them? Again, they were both only 15 (that’s pretty fucking young) and never were taught that much about, you know, sex stuff. Will practically spent his entire life at camp, where computers and smartphones were nonexistent. There’s only so much a medical book can describe about the sexier side of the ‘genitals.’ 

Ew. 

Yeah, maybe Will knows the term ‘corpus cavernosum arousal’, but Nico doesn’t think he has ever heard the other boy say ‘horny.’

As for Nico, the boy was born in the 19-fucking-30s, then spent the next couple years fighting in nonstop battles and wars by himself…

So maybe Nico would use the word horny for that shock value (and it’s kind of a funny word), but it’s not like he knows what to do when that feeling is set in motion.

It’s safe to say that the two of them were kind of going at this blind. 

Okay, these thoughts were getting a little too personal and gross for Nico’s liking…

Not that Will was gross!

Will was the opposite of gross!

Clean, beautiful, soft, amazing, always smelled good. Gods, Will made Nico want to-

…

Want to what? Honestly, Nico had no fucking clue what he wanted to do with Will.

A horrible thought crept into Nico’s head.

Was he ever leaving Will, dare he say, unsatisfied? 

Honestly, the two only ever make out. Which is great, but both don’t really know where to go from there. What if Will gets bored of him? What is Will decides he wants someone with more experience? What if that’s what Will actually wants for their anniversary? To go further? Oh jeez, oh man, this was bad.

Nico spared Apollo a nervous glance. 

The former god was dreamily looking off into space as he hummed, no doubt fantasizing about his former lovers and his old escapades when he could do whatever he wanted. 

As he stared at Lester Papadopoulos, he realized there was no fucking way he could ask this...man? Boy? Thing? Former immortal deity? for relationship advice. Oh fudge, even the thought of it made Nico want to vomit his guts out. 

But… he sure as fuck didn’t want to lose Will. 

Dang, this was more difficult than when he had to decide if he wanted to help save the world or not.

“Apollo,” good lord, Nico stop talking now. 

Apollo perked up immediately and smiled at Nico. 

“If you were me…” Oh gods, what to say? “What would you do for the anniversary?"

 

-0-0-0-0-0-

 

A word of advice from your local son of Hades!

Do not EVER ask your boyfriend’s dad advice for how to woo said boyfriend. ESPECIALLY if the boyfriend’s dad is a raging sexaholic who seemed hades-bent on getting you to sleep with his son. 

Honestly, Nico wasn’t really sure what Apollo wanted from him. As they sat on a hilltop overlooking the strawberry fields and the lake, the guy kept going on and on about his own life and his own experiences (okay, lowkey, Nico learned a lot of semi-useful information stuff when it comes to the gay bedroom time. Still, it was Apollo so it was 100% disgusting).

The weird thing was, the more Apollo talked about his relationships, the less it became about sex. He started rambling about romantic things that he had done or that others had done for him. The former god actually seemed a little flustered. Funny. Sex he is fine with, but emotions embarrassed him. What a typical god. 

Apollo even stopped suggesting that Nico does this weird, sexual stuff for the anniversary and instead starting mentioning, well, adorable things. 

Like make Will a playlist (oh jeez, his dork boyfriend would probably love that), or pick him strawberries and bring them to the infirmary (Will does love strawberries), or invite him to spend the day playing Operation (Nico sucks at that game, Will thinks it’s hilarious), or write him a poem. 

“Oh no,” Nico stopped Apollo. “I’m definitely not doing that.” 

Apollo appeared amused, “Why? Poetry too hard for you, Hades kid?”

“Fuck off,” Nico probably shouldn’t be telling a god to fuck off. “Poetry is just stupid.” He probably shouldn’t be telling the god of poetry that poetry is stupid.

The ex-god pondered this, “Well, I know Will enjoys a good poem. Truly my spawn. Maybe he’ll see you writing a poem, something you hate but he loves, as a sign of affection. As in, you are willing to put yourself through something horrid for his benefit.”

After a thought, he added, “Not that writing poetry is in anyway horrid.”

Shit. 

This guy was making a point. 

Maybe writing Will a poem would be more impressive than anything sexual Nico could do.

Hm, that was a kind of depressing statement. 

“I think,” Nico spoke after a moment's hesitation. “I’ll write Will a poem.”

Apollo seemed absolutely delighted, “Oh thank Me! I was just thinking that my son is far too young and far too innocent, gods bless him, to partake in anything sexual tomorrow. You made the right choice, Hades kid!” 

What the fuck is wrong with this guy. 

He spent the last 30 fucking minutes explaining the intricate details of a proper blowjob, amongst other indecent actions that would make even Aphrodite blush.

Well, probably not, but you get the point.

But Nico, being the dumbass he is, had to add a sarcastic, “So, I shouldn’t suck his dick?”

Lester Papadopoulos actually laughed. Nico thinks it’s the first time he’s heard the other genuinely laugh. “While I spoke to you today, my dear Nico, I think I have realized a little, ah, problem I have.” 

He then smiled expectantly, as if waiting for Nico to finish his thought or something. 

Nico just stared back at him and shrugged. Apollo has a lot of problems, he had no idea which one the former god was referring to.

“I just got the feeling that I have started too many of my past relationships off on sexy terms, you know?” Apollo continued when Nico said nothing. “You and my son are absolutely adorable, but you were friends before lovers...well, maybe still just a little under the lover stage, haha. That’s not what I did.” 

Duh. The guy tried to have sex with a tree.

He sighed. “I used to always think I was cursed to never have a companionate lover. Cursed to never have a long relationship in which I see the other person as a person before a body. Hmm, I know I’m definitely not cursed, perhaps a little unlucky here or there, but not cursed. Not my fault I’m technically stuck in eternal youth, or in other words, eternal horniess. 

I almost wish I was like my son, able to have my best friend become my girlfriend or boyfriend. Be able to stay with someone for a lifetime, wouldn’t that be something? Celebrate a normal, romantic one-year anniversary. Have nothing just based on wild, incredible, unforgettable, amazing sex. Hmm, I am a mess. An idiot, Meg would be calling me if she were here. ”

He finished his little speech and looked off at the lake. 

“Oooooh, just listen to me, the horrible mortal part of my brain is taking over, making me say unintelligent things,” He mumbled halfheartedly like he couldn’t convince himself that was where his emotions were coming from.

Nico would be lying if he didn’t say he felt a little bit of sympathy for the god.

A tiny winy teensy little bit of sympathy.

Barely enough to even bring it up. 

But still…

“Hey Apollo, thanks for the talk today. It was really helpful.” Nico mumbled awkwardly. 

Apollo nodded slowly, confirming he heard, but still was looking out at the lake. No doubt thinking of all the past relationships he destroyed. 

“I’ll be sure to tell Will that the poem was your idea, he’ll be so happy.” Will would probably be creeped the fuck out. 

Lester waved Nico off, “Just make sure it is a beautiful poem. You have my-” 

He stopped talking abruptly. His face looked to have paled slightly. 

“You have my blessing,” He finished after his moment's hesitation. “Not that it means anything now.” 

Nico could have sworn he heard the other guy mumble something that sounded like, ‘or that it ever has.’ 

He probably just heard him wrong.

Feeling awkward and kind of depressed, Nico stood up and said goodbye to Apollo. “Thanks, it’ll be a shit poem, but it’s the thought that counts. See ya, Apollo.” 

He nodded from where he sat on the hill, “Will will like it no matter what. Goodbye Nico, make my son happy or I might have to smite you when I am returned to my former glory.” 

It was unnerving how deadly serious he sounded. Nico even felt a little intimidated before Apollo opened his stupid mouth again. 

“Wait. How many ‘wills’ can you fit into one sentence? Hmmm. Will Will will Will’s will if Will willed Will’s will? That would be nine ‘wills’, can you make a sentence with more? Also, remember everything that I told you today for your anniversary next year! Because then you and my son will both be 16! That’s the age of consent!” 

Whelp, Nico can tell ‘serious time’ with Apollo is over. Time to go write his poem.

 

-0-0-0-0-0-

 

“W is for wonderful  
I is for incredible  
L is for loyal  
L is for loyal  
I is for incredible  
A is for amazing  
M is for moose (because you like them)

S is for spaghetti  
O is for ocean (because your eyes are blue and so is the ocean)  
L is for loyal  
A is for amazing  
C is for cinsere  
E is for emergency room (like the infirmary).” 

Will finished reading Nico’s poem out loud. 

Then his stupid, ugly, rude boyfriend had the audacity to laugh at him. 

“Will, shut the fuck up you asshole, I wrote you a freaking poem be grateful,” Nico grumbled as he tried to push his guffawing boyfriend off his bed in the Hades cabin. 

The blonde still could not control himself, “O-oh my gosh, this is sooo b-bad! You-u-u used l-l-loyal three times!” He barely got out through his giggles. 

“Um, yeah,” Nico countered. “Because that’s what the L in your name stands for, can you not read?!” 

“I can!” Will laughed confidently, “but looks like you can’t, sincere is spelled with an ‘s’, not a ‘c’, sweetie.” 

“Shit,” Nico mumbled.

Will continued to giggle like a stupid idiot for a while, rereading Nico’s poem again and again. He was holding his stomach and little tears were coming for of his eyes. Will had picked two bouquets of flowers for Nico’s present. One bouquet had tiny, little messages tied to the flower stems that each said a different fact about Nico that Will loved. The other bouquet also had messages tied to the stems, but they were memories/dates that Will and Nico had had together in the past year. 

It was freaking adorable and almost made Nico cry, but all he wanted to do now was soak them in acid because Will was a total dick. (JK, Nico would never do that. He was 100% going to save those flowers well after they’re dead). 

Nico groaned and ran a hand through his dark hair, “It was your dad’s stupid idea, I knew I should have just brought you strawberries.” 

The statement appeared to have calmed Will down, he still giggle-hiccuped a little as he said, “Wait, Apollo told you to write this?” 

“Well, yeah,” Nico confessed. He did tell Apollo he would inform Will it was his idea. “It was either write you a poem or suck your dick.” 

“WHAT?!” 

Will’s face went from handsomely tanned to beet red immediately. It was pretty funny, Nico had a little idea for getting revenge on his dumb boyfriend for making fun of his poem. 

“Yep,” Nico started casually. “He told me all about his past hookups and stuff. Suggested some things for us to do today, a lot of it was pretty nasty. Nasty in a good way I mean.” 

Not nasty in a good way, Nico is a fucking liar and most of the stuff Apollo said had freaked him out, but the look on Will’s face was too amazing. 

“But I said, ‘no Apollo, my William is too precious and naive for that kind of action, he won’t be able to handle it. Don’t you have anything tamer I could do with him?’” Nico almost lost control with laughing when saw the scandalized look on Will’s face. His eyes exploded open in shock, his mouth dropped open, he looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. 

“Your dad said if I was sure you weren’t ready, then I could write you a poem instead,” Nico sighed loudly, feigning sadness. “He said that he was sure you’d love my poem no matter what, but it looks like all you can do is laugh at me. I knew I should have just given you the blowjob, bet you wouldn’t have laughed at that.” 

Will is not an idiot, he’s probably on par with the Athena kids when it comes to intelligence and general common sense. Nico noticed how his boyfriend regained his composure as he realized not all of what Nico said was true and narrowed his eyes at him. “I think you’re full of shit.”

Nico shrugged, “kind of, he did tell me to suck your dick at first and then did explain how to suck a dick as well as other gay stuff before suggesting I just write a poem instead.”

Will was still blushing, a good sign, “yeah, but I bet you were freaked out.”

“Totally shook and most likely scarred for life.” 

The blonde laughed and glanced fondly at the poem he held in his hands, “I really do love this Nico. It’s so cute, and so are you. I appreciate this so much, you have no idea. I know how much you hate poetry. I guess I wouldn’t really know, but this is even better than...you know? ”

“A blowjob?”

“Ugh, now I wouldn’t be able to hear that word without thinking of my father.”

“You think I wanted to learn about gay sex from Lester Papadopoulos?” 

Both started laughing in hysterics. Nico was tackled onto the bed by a Will-hug. Nico felt lips on his cheek and turned his head to give his giggling boyfriend a real kiss. 

“I’m going to keep this little gem forever,” Will mumbled as he nuzzled his head into Nico’s neck, referring to the poem. “I just can’t believe you had ‘The Talk’ with my dad before I did.” 

Nico laughed, “It was one of the weirdest conversations in my life, and that’s saying something.” 

His boyfriend started humming happily before whispering in Nico's shoulder, “So, you think you can, um, you know, like, demonstrate or teach me, some of what he told you for our two-year anniversary.”

Nico wasn’t going to tell him that Apollo had suggested the same idea, that would have destroyed Will. Instead, he kissed his adorable boyfriend again and spent the rest of the day with his ‘special guy’, trying to stop him from reading the poem to everyone at camp while Will also looked for a frame so he could hang it up in the infirmary. He said he wanted to read it every day.

They also made out the entire time Will wasn’t obsessing over the poem and later got spaghetti for dinner. 

It’s also safe to say that Nico was a little excited for their two-year.

**Author's Note:**

> As I read the Dark Prophecy and rewatched the Office at the same time, I've decided that Michael Scott and Apollo are the same person.
> 
> Also, Apollo is lowkey my favorite.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! :)


End file.
